Cream for Haemorrhoids Treatment - Shrinks Piles, Relieves Discomfort and Soothes Itching, 43g

If you're reading this I genuinely feel sorry for you, and that it can only mean one thing - you have lumps where lumps shouldn't be. Let me tell you a story. I had a lump once upon a time, it came about on a Sunday evening after I tried to rush a poo - big squeezes - mistakes were made. I sat on the seat for a while, questioning what had I had done in the previous life to deserve this, but in the end I made peace with it, and called it Hermie. We became buddies and I wasn't planning on doing much about him.. However, Hermie turned out to be quite a toxic friend, he would cause me discomfort when I wanted to sit down, have a poo, or any activity that would involve your bum cheeks to move. Even a slight fart would give Hermie a wiggle. So I had to try something, a quick search on Amazon and thats when I stumbled upon this anusol stuff - WOAH absolutely amazing. Literally after weeks of having Hermie, that I secretly hoped would leave on his own - gone in two days of plastering it in this magic cream. Bazooka that verucca? Pfft! Anusol those Hermies more like it.

Always good dies the job.

Product good does what it says, could have had better packaging

“I bought it because I heard that you could dab it around your eyes to reduce puffiness” I told her, my knuckles white as I gripped the windowsill and looked out at the robin bashing a sparrow about on the bird table. The wreckage of my rear, beset by its own private heartbreak, seemed to sense that amongst all glimpses behind the curtain allowing this one would reveal slightly too much Wizard. “Is that why it was hidden behind the toilet cistern? Are you ashamed of your puffy eyes? You don’t need to be” she said, pausing her harpsichord practice to look at me. “They’re not even that puffy for someone your age.” “It’s a matter of principal...” I replied feeling the fire die in my heart even as it began to rekindle elsewhere. “I don’t see why this is such an issue. Everyone has them... it’s just sometimes they get inflamed...” Sometimes they catch fire. “Eyebags?” “Yes... eyebags” I sighed as the robin knocked the limp sparrow from the table with a sweep of his wing, the first cracklings of lightning around him indicating the beginning of some form of soul eating or quickening. “Sometimes my eyebags inflame and sometimes I need to put cream on them so I can blink without them itching.” Or sitting down and suddenly seeing through time and space and your own clamped shut eyelids. “I must say that has never happened to me” she said, a slight tinge of worry entering her voice as she began to probe her own eyebags. “Mind you... I think I might be starting to get a bit of a tingle there. Do you think it’s contagious?” “Well, you probably shouldn’t use my tube of eye cream just in case” I say, shifting my position a little so the crenulations interlocked a bit more comfortably. “I want you to know that you don’t have to go through all this just for me” she said, wafting her fan back and forth in the simmering summer heat, her lace bonnet catching the breeze and fluttering to the floor and landing on my shoe. “I’d pick that up for you my dear but... my eye bags would probably burst...” I said, watching robin pecking at the mixed seeds, unaware that the sparrow had dragged itself back onto the table by its beak and was now slowly advancing. “Oh my” her hands flew to her eyebags. “I never knew they were so fragile... I must warn everyone” “It’s just mine” I said quickly, “when my ship took a broadside of grapeshot at Trafalgar they were scored within an inch of their lives. Nelson himself said it was a miracle they didn’t have to amputate them.” This wasn’t strictly true but I had blocked all internet sites that could prove otherwise. I had deliberately kept a good decade or so of my past shadowy for occasions I required to... “subscribe to the theory of parallel universes where everything is possible” The sparrow didn’t appear to be the same sparrow. Perhaps it was a cousin? It seemed to be mouthing something as it choked the robin. They seemed like chirps of vengeance. “It does say you shouldn’t use it for more than fourteen days without consulting your doctor” she said, her helping hand clacking against my shinbone as she attempted to use the claw to retrieve her bonnet. I feel blood vessels rupture into a ripening bruise. “Do you plan to stop? I think eyebags have to be a little puffy or else you won’t be able to blink... or your eyes might even fall out...” “Trust me... I’m not going to stop blinking any time soon” I said as the jagged edges of two tectonic plates ground together and a new mountain range formed. I am geology in action. I am mountain high and valley low. I am Iceland. And I want to cry. A single tear fell as a robin’s soul journeyed to the place ‘twixt wake and dream. “Is it a good eyebag cream? I mean there’s a few others in that... section” she asked, placing the bonnet back upon her head and securing it with bulldog clip. “My mother used to use some cream from the face aisle... but I guess that wasn’t such good value. It’s really a two for one deal... I mean if one would ever actually need such a thing.” She giggled and covered her mouth. “Yeah... as if” I said, feeling as if I was in the final stages of birthing a net bag full of thumbtacks. “It’s perfectly reasonable eyebag cream. I mean... it’s pretty much the same as a lot of the competing eyebag creams... at least the ones that aren’t either from the apothecary, surgeon or just basically sticking a dock leaf up your... eyebag.” The sparrow began smashing the birdfeeder in a fit of nihilistic pique. “Would you recommend it to me over all the other two-in-one eyebag creams?” she asked, thoughtfully dismantling the articulated dodo skeleton I claimed to have brought her back from the East Indies but had in fact strung together with paperclips, glue gun and all the sparrow and robin skeletons I kept finding in my garden. “Well, this or Germoloids, whichever is cheapest” I said, slowly beginning to edge towards the tube of cream. “One last thing” she said, cracking her knuckles. “What, my dear?” I asked as I began running towards the bathroom. “Judging by the applicator you need to wash your eyes.” Her fingers resumed upon the harpsichord’s keys.

Lovely thick cream which eases your sore anus nicely. It smells ok, is effective and offers great value for money for those with an itchy bum.

As described and delivered promptl

I know that a lot of people swear by this product, but I found it to be less effective than some of its rivals. The main problem is that it's simply too thin. It has a tendency to go everywhere when you try to apply it. I got more around the effected area than on the effected area. It also came off on my clothes, and left embarrassing white smudges. So, a lot of wasted cream that wasn't going where it was supposed to be, or staying there when it was. When I did manage to get it where it was supposed to be it did provide some relief, but not as much as rival products. It also had a tendency to make any protrusions slightly harder and nobblier as part of the shrinking process. Which made it a little uncomfortable to sit down or walk about for a while. This may not be a problem for other people, I guess it depends on the exact location of the effected area, and whether it's somewhere that rubs on the other side. So, yes, it did do more or less what it promised, but the alternatives are better.

Easy to use works well