The Velvet Rage

I found this book very elucidating of the reasons behind gay problems and gay lifestyle. The stages described make sense and can be identified either with oneself or those in the circle of friends. The book can be benefitial to help those struggling with their own demons, regarding accepting who and what they are and how they can mange their emotional responses and their relationships. The book is well structured and focus many sensitive matters that should make the reader meditate about many issues with which one might feel identified with. From the problematic of assuming sexuality to others and to oneself, the identity crisis with which gay men have to struggle, often through their entire lives is well explained. Other issues arasing or persisting, even after the voluntary public revelation of sexuality, e.g. alcohol and other substance abuse, sexual promiscuity, unreasonable risk taking, fictation on body image, fashion and career and the ephemerity and instability of relationships, are well linked to the initial problematic in the way they both are its biproducts and yet refeed its severity. Unlike the believe in a good portion of the gay community that such behaviours are normal and acceptable, the message about their significance as mere signs and symptoms of the disease that worsen the whole picture is evident. However, a few things make one feel cautious while considerating the content of this book. First, it is based solely on the authors and his patients experiences, and is not a proved recipe in all social and cultural backgrounds. Both author and patients mentioned live in the USA and come mostly from a upper middle of even upper class background. Second, there is little to no mention of the role of the gay community itself, specially that orbiting around the so called "gay scene", in perpretrating the same kind of erroneous and abusive approach to the gay problematic. Although it can be seen implicit the idea of this phenomenon as a consequence of an aggregating effect of the individual "velvet rage's", there is no discussion or evidence that this phenomenon is further aggavated by the community itself. Finnally, the psychological problems associated with the lack of syntony between the gay men in a straight world context did not become so evidently different from similar problems lived by straight individuals who do feel different from the rest of society for other reasons, apart from the trigger. In conclusion, it is an excellent reading. Despite the validating issues mentioned, it is useful to help solve many of psychological and emotional problems of many gay men both at individual level and at a the level of its closer relationships. The tools are there to help them and their close ones to ease the pain and improve their way of life.

I ordered “The Velvet Rage” on the recommendation of a very close friend who’s a gay man.. Although I’m a heterosexual woman I found something on every single page which spoke to me - because whilst I don’t fit the target demographic, I was able to recognise hidden and toxic shame and all the ramifications, in countless situations involving various people I’ve known (not necessarily just gay men) and quite a lot of stuff that I could relate to personally. The book gives a user-friendly deep dive into what the problem AND the solution looks like, beautifully written by someone who clearly knows what they’re talking about and with lots of snippets of real life experiences thrown in for extra context. I would recommend this book to everyone.

I bought this because I saw it recommended somewhere, maybe in Attitude. I read a few of the reviews, and what was written seemed to gel with my own experiences as a child, even from just the reviews! I've just finished reading it and it's a good read. As other people have said it's very easy to read whilst getting across all the facts. It's not a very long book though: it's taken me about two hours cover to cover. The book ultimately boils down to the fact that as a gay man, we knew we didn't fit in when we were younger, and that this shame of being different has caused us problems for the rest of our lives. From trying to be the best at everything, to sleeping with anything that moves, etc, it's all done to try and win approval, because if we win approval then we can ignore the shame we hide deep down inside. I put in the title of my review that this is the least self-helpy self-help book I've read. Which is true: the book is story through three stages that the author thinks all gay men go through. He gives examples of the behaviours for each stage, and why they are bad. But there's very little in the way of instructions on 'fixing' youself. Until the last chapter. In the last chapter the author lists 10 lessons. They're simple, but powerful, things. From talking to the person you have a conflict with _first_ (rather than all your mates) to trying to be nonjudgemental about people and admitting that everyone has flaws and faults. I've only given this four stars right now. I may up it to five once the lessons have sunk in. But I would recommend this to any gay man...

I was struck by the following line from page 235 of Alan's masterpiece - "The traumatic effect of growing up in a world where we must hide the truth of our strongest feeling causes our development to stall". I could not agree more with these words. Alan's work shows that there is a way through and it's brilliant to read such an enlightening piece. This is, without a doubt, a very profound book that smashes you in the face with the issues gay men face and makes you sit up and really think. For me it has felt like the first time in my life that I've truly opened my eyes. I have been putting into place some of the skills Alan has suggested and it's amazing to see that by doing so I feel a sense of inner happiness and joy that I can't remember feeling for a very long time - probably the innocence I felt when in my very early year of 6-8. This is a must read and cannot advocate it enough. Indeed, it is that good, I've made this the first book for the staff network LGBT network book club in my workplace. Brilliant!

This book is an excellent read for anyone in the LGBTQ+ community. It offers valuable insights into how childhood trauma and shame can shape adult life. The author provides thoughtful guidance on understanding and processing these experiences, offering ways to confront shame and grow toward a healthier, more fulfilling life. Overall, it is a truly impactful and highly recommended book.

Muito bom! Chegou antes do prazo

Life changing book. Must read for all the people who want to understand what gay people are going through. Thank you.

I feel that, for a homosexual man, reading this book works like visits to the psychiatrist. It allows you to get to understand yourself better how your mind and personality has been influenced throughout the years by the rejection of the people around you while they point fingers at you. And for those around gay people who are family and friends, it gives a windows to the feelings they grow up with and the great positive impact that it has on the gay people when they experience their acceptance. Since it is nowadays absolutely likely that all count at least a homosexual person among our friends or family, this book is highly recommended to everybody.

Todo el mundo debería leer este libro, tenga la orientación sexual que tenga. Hay mucha realidad donde mucho/as se podran sentir reflejados.